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James Frey is not like other writers…

April 20, 2011

    

That’s what they say about him. Let’s check:

James Frey [short bio]:

‘Frey was born to a couple of academics in the US. He grew up in a big house with big money. The academics fed him big ideas and encouraged him to be weird and isolate himself from other kids. By college time, he was still normal. Then he did crack. But he did it in a boring way. Later he wrote a book about it and made it exciting. People loved him. Then Oprah called him a liar and the people hated him and he took it. He hated Oprah, he really did. Other writers told him to be more of an outsider. They said it would keep him interesting. He did it, and it felt good. He started to believe it too. He read Camus and Noon and Hamsum and thought he was just like them. He wrote a new book about Jesus and told his agent to promote him like this: ‘James Frey is not like other writers.’ The agent laughed but did as it was told. The book came out and so did the promotion. It was not good. He sounded like a cunt.’

So that’s Frey, but what about his Jesus book? Here’s what we know:

– Frey’s Jesus comes to New York by greyhound [dog]. He has a black face, Chinese torso and hispanic feet.

– He works construction but doesn’t like it much. Most of the time he hides behind the cranes.

– Another worker is crushed by a falling piano. Frey’s Jesus takes his wallet then puts his hand over his mouth and puts him out of his misery. He tells the other workers there was nothing else to do and that he’s with God now, or half of God anyway. They ask him why he didn’t stop the falling piano. He says he wanted to, but pianos are difficult.

– At night he gets bored and goes to see prostitutes. He tells them he’s the son of God and they don’t believe him. ‘Am too,’ he protests.

– Local TV finds out about him and asks him to walk on water. He wonders if a puddle will do.

– He sits in his apartment asking himself why he bothered coming back. He doesn’t feel much like the son of God anymore.

– He tries to lift a car using his mind, but fails. He tries a pencil instead and gets it an inch off the table. He wonders why everything’s so low key this time around.

– He starts to get bored of his own story.

– He tries to return to heaven but Frey’s imagination cannot cope.

– The final line of the book: ‘Fucking abstraction,’ screamed Frey’s Jesus. ‘I don’t get it. I just don’t fucking get it.’

– The epilogue: The giant hand of Frey drops from the sky and takes Frey’s Jesus away. As they fly, Frey’s Jesus asks the hand what the point of it all was. The hand doesn’t answer. They keep soaring into cold, hard Space until they drift past Pluto and all Frey can think of is Star Trek. Meanwhile Frey’s Jesus has frozen himself blue.’

That’s it then. The new Frey. Can it be good?

Don’t know. But did you know Frey also half-wrote that piece of shit Number Four thing?

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. Salingertwin permalink
    April 20, 2011 5:59 pm

    You know most of that bio is bullshit, right?

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