Confused Young Santa Chic – My Favourite Menswear Trend That Never Happened
I want to talk to you, men, I want to talk to you about my favourite menswear trend of the 20th century that never happened. I want you to go back to the days of the 70s, back to brightly coloured dress socks. I want you, my dear men, to look at this photo.
Trouser socks, you say? Oh, not just men in trouser socks. The best dressed men in America it says. The best dressed men in America in nothing but their trouser socks; bravely lying seductively, leaning seductively, crossing their legs seductively, resting those well-toned arms seductively on their knees in nothing but their seductive trouser socks. Look at how well dressed they are in those socks. And look at that one in the back. Do you see him? He is what I want you to think about.
He is the shy one, the one at the top of that sexy pyramid of best-dressed 70s flesh. He is the one in the little blue socks. He is the only one brave enough to sport the crew length; the only one challenging his tanned and well toned compatriots by breaking out of their warm colour scheme, daring to wear blue socks while they don an autumnal array of Plum Purple, Celeriac Chartreuse, and Orangey Orange.
He dares to be pasty and Santa-like with his gingery beard, doughy physique and confused body language. What is confidence? Not something this man needs. Give him a pair of exceptionally dark and white rimmed aviator sunglasses to hide behind, give him his Indigo Enigma trouser socks. He is at the forefront of my favourite menswear trend that never happened. He is, ladies and gentlemen, Confused Young Santa Chic. Out with the old, in with the new.
He’s one of the best dressed men in America, but don’t ask him why.