The Good, the Bad and the Ugly [The Angel Eyes Redux]
EXT: HUGE CEMETERY, BURGOS, SPAIN [SUPPOSED TO BE THE US]
Tuco runs around the cemetery like a drunk teenager, the camera trying to keep up. He’s searching for the grave of Arch Stanton, where the money is.
Blondie is nowhere to be seen. He’s either having a rest in that bombed out church or is walking very slowly to catch up.
The music stops.
Tuco has found the grave, even though he’s illiterate. He runs towards it and falls on the ground, digging the soil with his hands and then a piece of wood.
A whistling sample.
Blondie throws a shovel on the ground next to Tuco and tells him to dig. Tuco doesn’t, and Blondie has to cock his gun.
Another sample, this one woodwind.
A second shovel hits the ground. Blondie and Tuco turn.
Two can dig faster than one.
Tuco resumes digging, Blondie doesn’t. Instead he lights a cigar.
You’re not digging.
Blondie takes in smoke, supremely nonplussed.
Angel Eyes cocks his gun.
You shoot me, you won’t see a cent of that money.
Blondie takes in more smoke from his cigar then kicks the lid of the coffin that Tuco has managed to unearth quicker than a JCB.
Because there’s nothing in there.
There is a skeleton in the coffin. Tuco makes the sign of the cross, the other two don’t give a shit.
Two hundred thousand dollars is a lot of money, gentlemen. We’re gonna have to earn it.
Blondie looks on the ground and finds a rock. He picks it up and then looks at Angel Eyes, or more specifically, the gun that is still aimed his way.
Angel Eyes looks at the gun, thinks it over then shoots Blondie in the gut.
Blondie! [He looks at Blondie coughing up blood, but doesn’t help] What’d you do that for?
I don’t want to die.
I put my gun away, it’s two against one. I’m not fucking stupid.
Blondie moves his hand along the ground, lifts himself up a little and tries to pull out his gun. It doesn’t work. His hand gets stuck on the holster and half his belt comes undone.
Angel Eyes steps forward and asks him where the money is.
Blondie laughs, coughs then dies.
Angel Eyes waits a few seconds, watching the corpse of Blondie. After about a minute, Blondie breathes out and coughs up more blood. Angel Eyes smirks and shoots him in the back of the head. That oughta do it.
But what about the money?
Dunno. [He gestures around the cemetery] Guess you better start digging.
Tuco stays on his knees, looking at the hundreds of graves around him.
You might as well start with that one.
Tuco follows the gun and tries to read the grave stone.
Un -k…un-k…there’s no name on it.
Just dig, fatty.
Tuco crawls over and digs. A few minutes later he pulls out treasure.
He grabs a handful and throws it up in the air.
Tuco grabs more gold and throws it near Angel Eyes, making him duck for cover. Tuco goes for his gun and fires. No sound. He tries again and again. Nothing.
Angel Eyes looks at the gun, looks at Tuco, looks at the money then fires. Tuco falls into the grave, his last words spat out. ‘Blondie!’
Angel Eyes picks up the money bags and straps them to his horse’s saddle. He rides off into the distance [but not the sunset, it’s eleven in the morning] and congratulates himself on being smarter than the other two. First stop, he tells himself, is the orphanage.