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Cyril Sneer funding the death of capitalism?

October 20, 2011

 

We [Zizek Press] don’t understand much about politics/economics/physics, but…yup, it seems to be true.

That old pink fuck was seen in the crowd at the Occupy Wall Street protest at the weekend, nodding, talking to protestors and sharing a cigar with one of the guys making a speech.

It turns out Sneer, who has kept a low-ish profile since the end of his reality TV show, The Raccoons, 15 years ago, is one of the 1% mega-rich helping to fund the whole movement.

What is Sneer’s motive in all this? Well, as most would guess, it’s probably nothing to do with altruism or compassion. After all, Sneer has been the smudged symbol of Liberal [militant] Capitalism for the best part of thirty years. Why change now?

Because of Cedric?

Unlikely. The two haven’t spoken since Cedric came out twelve years ago, and a reconciliation doesn’t appear to be on the cards, not since Sneer famously remarked, ‘He’s not gay, he’s just weak-willed,’ in an interview with TIME back in 2005.

And besides, what about Sneer’s recent past? At least, what we know of it…

* Buying up huge chunks of land and resources in Africa.

* Allying Sneer Inc. to the US and Chinese Militaries.

* Building a money pit.

* Giving donations to Putin.

* Supplying Gadaffi with a flute and a Robin Hood costume.

* Hitting Paul Dano on the head with a bowling pin.

* Knocking down Raccoon Forest, building a warehouse and filling it with sex workers.

After all this, can we really believe the old money grabber has turned against the system that made him? And what does this mean for Occupy Wall Street?

Well, according to one of our sources, it’s all a sham. ‘See, this guy…he’s got no morals,’ says B. Raccoon. ‘There’s no heart in that grubby pink chest of his. Four years I had to put up with his shit, and…you know, basically, this occupy Wall Street thing, it comes down to this: Sneer loves money. The system he loves is faltering and it looks like there’s gonna be rebellion. He sees this, and starts his own protest, but a dummy one. He funds it, controls it, lets it run a while then, bam, shuts it down. Crisis over. The 1% goes back to their mansions, while the rest of us drown in the shit.’

Can it be true?

* Sneer was asked for comment at the protest, but refused all requests for interviews.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. Tad permalink
    October 20, 2011 4:15 pm

    If you read ‘Allying Sneer’ really fast while shaking your head it comes out as ‘Ally Sheedy’.

    Nice Therewillbeblood reference btw…

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