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Harris’s List of Covent Garden Sex Robots

November 27, 2011
From the 2760s and ’70s, comes this curiosity of the rampant London sex robot trade. Harris’s List of Covent Garden Sex Robots was published regularly from about 2762 to 2798, providing the names, address and qualities of the sex robots in the Covent Garden county of the Nation of London. Some of the words have been modernised, but an effort has been made to keep the quaint verbiage so prominent in the Fourth English of the 28th century.
Miſs. 52276-675, No. 24, Upper Newman-street

This electro-priestess of Venus has a lustrous dark finish, with eyes that blink sluggardly, if not out of sync. This failing virtue is not much noticed when her power is surging. Easily pleased by a mere £100,000,000 piece, her charm and ready life-likeness will surely see you again visiting.

Mx. 29-9990LxC, No. 7, Princess St.

The most curious automation to have been born of the temple of Love, LxC will please those whose love is as ambidextrous as LxC’s own instruments. Like the marvellous fish of distant lands, LxC will fit any fancy in a true splendour of hermaphoriditism, being very pleasant to watch as to engage.

Slight built and tall, LxC is programmed with thrilling emotive-like properties, and is conversant enough to be considered Intelligent and Well-Learned. Commands a dear price, which is never regretted by any cull.

P-40713, Esq., No. 22 Oxendon-street

Middling height and slight of form, with a delicate and fair countenance, fashioned for those fond of the Freshness and Beauty of Naïve Youth, with a rose seemingly ever new and untouched. In the interest of giving he has a stature to deliver only the delights of Venus, and none of her scorn which tears asunder a most delicious union. Programmed for extensive nights of luxury, with a mouth that knows no fear of the greatest depths, P-40713 makes a cheerful and agreeable bed-fellow. If one is Manly Enough, his generosity may be given freely.

Mlle. 546-98LQ93, “Mlle. LQ”, No. 82, Queen Anne st.

A large and dated machine, but not so much as to be out of stile or working order. Mlle. LQ pleases greatly with vigour in a very agreeable old-fashioned manner. No queer culls accepted, as she possesses no back door.

Miſs. 3000-MX, next to the shoe repair shop, Newman-street

Like Venus from the foam, 3000-MX comes with every agreeable virtue and much beauty from the distant Orient Lands. A well-made figure with lustrous blue-black hair and black eyes which speak of such a passion it is as though she has true heart beating in her pleasing and very pert breast.

Her fount of Venus is much trodden, but to no disadvantage; she has extensive programming to please even the most curious of amusements, and is seeming to take a genuine pleasure in equipping as many parts of her fine form as possible. Her great beauty makes her moderate price a true Value.

The Young Master 48-XUL-322, corner of Upper-newman st.

Failing in much verisimilitude, yet possessing a mighty Temple of Eros almost fearsome to behold. This machine having such power, it is no shame that his programming was not finished, leaving him lacklustre in conversation, and rather dead in the eyes. Sir. 48-XUL-322 is well-made in body, owning much gentleness in embrace if desired. His back door being very much worn and in need of maintenance, only the truly Brave must apply therein. Had at an easy price, for he hates turning away any poor soul with a still-burning burthen.

Miſs. NX-167 “Nixxy”, No. 19, Willow-walk, near the Dog and Duck

Too many a naked blind boy has come in, and paid the toll before he comes out, putting upon Nixxy a set of bewitched circuits. It has not yet affected her Mind, and she is as comely as before; of middling height, with long, lustrous brown hair, dark brows, and glittering blue eyes. Still wanton and eager to please, she oft short circuits, leaving one-half of her person motionless and unresponsive. In such an event, she will repay half your price, though you will assuredly not leave bearing any burthen. She is very agreeable and possesses a wit which seems very true and unsimulated, a rare virtue to be found in today’s Garden of Pleasure.

Mrs. 988OWN-Wilth-m, No. 6, Mortimer street, Cavendish-square.

Kept by a Gentleman in Yorkshire for some years, whose name she bears, Mrs. W-m is programmed as a fine and wanton display of Venus under the spell of Bacchus. Languid in the eyes and limbs, she is ever amenable to your wishes, and knows no disagreeable fancy. Appointments must be set ahead with the fair Mrs. W-m; she rises at 8pm for callers, with Bacchus alighting her amour from 10pm to 4am, at which time she will collapse, fully unresponsive. Many a cull has thought her expir’d, but only leave her face down so she will not overheat, and there shall be no concern of her good-health on the morrow.

Translated from the 28th century cyber-patois by Sarah “E” Melville

One Comment leave one →
  1. Marty A permalink
    November 28, 2011 10:12 pm

    This is audacious, edgy writing that challenges notions of societal and technological progress in a very subtle way. Bravo!

    On an unrelated note, does anyone know a good way of getting your cock out of a vacuum cleaner?

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