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FILM NEWS: Hardy and Pine clean guns for McG!

December 10, 2011

This one has flown a little under the radar of the main film sites/publications/blogs, but we think it’s worth a shot.

Cast: Chris Pine, Tom Hardy, [Pocket] Reese Witherspoon

Director: McG

Plot: Pine and Hardy play rival secret agents, one a Brit, the other a New Yorker, who are forced to work together over the course of ten years, which translates to two movie hours. The twist is: all the exciting parts of being a spy are cut out and instead we are left with the two characters doing mundane things like clean guns [picture above]. Witherspoon plays a small role as a small person who stumbles across the two men shaking hands in a restaurant [other picture above].

Background: An interesting concept has been elevated by the casting of Hardy and Pine, both coming off the back of serious bzzzzz in most films they’ve made recently. Actually, Pine’s only really getting bzzzz because he was in Star Trek…the only other thing he did recently was that train film with no bad guy and no climax. Hardy, on the other hand, is in Batman 3, where early rumour has it he’s decent, but unintelligible.

But mostly this is a good cast. Witherspoon can only play four different emotional states [blonde, nice, annoyed, about to be annoyed], but she’s not terrible…though she hasn’t done much recently. Perhaps her cameo in this will help her climb back up a little…

Why are we excited?

McG, of course. If anyone knows how to ground a film in some kind of reality, it’s him. Though it is surprising he’s getting another shot at anything…his last film was Terminator 4, and that showed that he really didn’t know what he was doing. Obviously, he can point a camera and get a decent angle, but does he know how to point people?

McG: The thing people need to understand about this movie is…I mean, what we’re doing is, asking the question: What if you’re a spy and you have to do stuff with someone you don’t know? And what if that stuff is stuff like cleaning guns and stuff like that? And Tom [Hardy] and Chris [Pine] really get that, they really got the idea behind it all and ran with it, you know? Those guys…I mean, they say some pretty cool shit in this movie, I swear to God. Some pretty cool shit.  And even if you’re coming for the guns, we got that covered too. There are guns all over this thing, it’s full of them, every fucking scene, man. And, yeah, maybe they don’t get fired or shit like that, but they get cleaned, you know? They’re dirty, and they get cleaned, which I think is a metaphor for how we…you know…go about things, like cleaning and life and stuff…you know?’

We think we might, McG. It’s always good to have metaphors and real things in movies, and if Pine and Hardy are saying cool shit too then we’re in. But what do the two stars make of it all?

Pine: I’m excited, really. You know, some movies, you get good people and a good director but it doesn’t quite work out, you know? But this one…man, we had Tom and Reese and me, and McG, who was so up for this he was, like, jumping out of his chair every second, you know? I guess because he’s done a load of shit movies before and had a really hard time from people who know about movies and…or anyone who watches movies, I guess…but on this one, it really felt like everything came together in a perfect kind of…you know…symmetry. You know, like, symmetrical…right? You know that word? Yeah? Okay, cool. Symmetry. Symmetrical things…coming together, and…yeah, it should be cool. Personally, I can’t wait to see it on a big screen. Just to, you know…really get to feel the feelings and emotions and shit, the stuff we were doing and conveying and putting out there, and to see if that all comes through and…emerges, you know?

Hardy: The shoot was tough, man. McG made us go to one of those boot camps…like in Full Metal Jacket and Top Secret…and we went there and me and Chris are getting up at 6am, doing 10k runs and thousands of press-ups and sit-ups and all this fitness shit, and then we get to the movie and the fucker’s changed the script. Turns out all we’re gonna do is clean fucking guns for three months. Unreal, man. That’s literally all we do the whole movie…except that one scene where we have to shake hands in the restaurant in front of Reese…but then it’s straight back to the gun table. If you’d asked me before this, Tom, can you make a whole film about two guys cleaning guns? I’d have said, ‘No way, man, not unless you got Tarkovsky or Kubrick or someone of that calibre’. But you know, the way I look at it now is…Batman’s coming out next summer, Mad Max after that…who’s gonna know about this? I’m not gonna tell anyone. Chris ain’t gonna tell anyone. And no one listens to McG anymore anyway, so…

Witherspoon: Hey there. You wanna see my four faces, right? Look, they’re different…they’re not the same, they’re all different…see?

[Witherspoon goes through all four faces]

Yeah, I only use two in this movie, but I think what McG did that was extraordinary was…he added some edge to them, made them really a lot different from how they were before, and as a result, really stretched me as an actress, you know? Which is unusual in a big film like this, you know, with all the money and the guns and the…it’s not typical for an actress to get a good role to play, we’re usually just window dressing and eye candy and…yeah, it doesn’t even matter if I’m only in one scene, or if I’m in the background because…you know? In a film like this, what is the background? Is there one? You know what I mean? And the truth is, for an actress to be able to simply be in the background, if that’s even what it is, is a step forward, really…a huge step forward for all women, because…you know? Just an honour and a delight to be able to…to just be there, to exist…I mean, it’s almost metaphysical when you think about it…just being in a place and functioning, just in a totally metaphysical way and…it’s like, by the end of the scene you’re almost feeling sorry for Chris and Tom…you almost wanna say, ‘guys, sorry I was in the background, just existing, stealing your scene’…yeah, so that’s what it was, what I liked about it all. And I think a lot of people are gonna watch this and be surprised at how deep it goes…you know, that question: what does it mean to be human? Well, I’m pretty confident we’ve got a good answer for you in this movie.

There it is then. Two of them fairly positive, Hardy a little bemused. The rule of thumb for this kind of thing is usually: Star says movie is gonna be amazing, movie is shit. Star says movie is a disaster, movie is a disaster. Can this one really be any different?

McG: ‘You know, everyone rags on Terminator and Charlie’s Angels, but every day I get people coming up to me in the street saying, ‘Man, I loved Terminator, I loved what you did, I really hated how you got shit for your cool direction and shit.’ And to me, that’s all that matters, what the genuine, real fans think, not movie critics.

Pine: ‘The bottom line is: this movie is gonna blow your mind. We do things in this that no one has ever even dreamt of before. We do things aliens couldn’t do. But even better than that…we do it while also staying true to the story, you know, and making it sexy and exciting too.’

[McG comes back into the room and grabs the tape recorder]

McG: You know, just one last thing. The word ‘game changer’ gets used a lot, but this is for real, man. What we have here is a game changer. And what Chris just said too, the things you couldn’t ever even dream of. We’re doing that too.

Pine: In all honesty, this is probably the greatest thing I’ve ever done.

McG: Exactly, man. I feel the same way. But I’d go further and say, fuck it, this is the greatest thing made in American cinema in the last 30 years. Arguably the greatest thing in any cinema ever, even French ones.

Pine: Fuck the French, man. If I hadn’t made the movie with you, I’d think you were crazy, man. But I did, and I know you’re right. And I think a lot of it comes from the performances, the things you got out of me and Tom and Reese. I never even knew I could feel things like that, but you went there, man, you went there and you pulled it out of me and…you made me escalate, man, as a person and as an actor and as a human being.

McG: It was all you, man. I just controlled it from start to finish, nothing more. And your performance in this movie…let me tell you something: Brando in One Eyed Jacks, Nicholson in Five Easy Pieces, Pine in McG’s spy movie…that’s how they’re gonna remember this, man. It doesn’t matter what the haters or the critics say, it only matters what the man on the street says, you know? Like the guys who come up to me and say how cool and incredible my directing is…those guys, on the street…that’s what you’ve gotta listen to.

Pine: I totally get that, man. I do. You know, I get people coming up to me in the street too…I got one guy yesterday, he came up to me on the…you know, the street, and he was saying, like, ‘Hey Chris, your acting in Star Trek made me cry. You were extraordinary, just on a whole other level.’ And I really think it’s true, man. I really believe that my acting can do that to people.

Okay, this does go on a bit longer, but we’ve gotta cut it off somewhere, so…there we go, tape recorder off, all quotes taken. Now if we just go back a bit and look at our rule of thumb for this kind of thing, we can see what’s what…

Actually, we’ll let you scroll back up and check… we don’t wanna guide you too much…

We’ll review this piece of shit when it comes out.

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