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List of J.C. s

May 12, 2012

John Carpenter – director of Halloween and Ghosts of Mars. Used to be great, but the 90’s were cruel. Nothing much to say for himself. Needs to be more consistent if he wants to be a more respected JC.
John Cassavetes – director of Shadows and Faces, shot by stray bullet in The Dirty Dozen, let Satan fuck his wife. Died in 1989, but could live on in the mind of his wife, Gena Rowlands. Probably wouldn’t have made ‘Rosemary’s Baby’ if he were a celestial JC.

Jessica C – pseudo-model, working primarily in Hong Kong. Nice tits. If you’re looking for the outer shell of a good JC, she’s a contender. Might look like shit in 10 years, might look the same. Hard to tell.
James Cagney – starred in White Heat and other gangster films. Smaller than Michael J Fox, but larger than Napoleon. An angry, unpredictable JC.
Jackie Chan – Actor, playboy, father of many illegitimate kids. In some ways, a great JC, but to people who really know him, a piece of shit.
Johnny Cage – fighter in Mortal Kombat, painter, stuntman, actor, pursuer of Sonia Blade [?]. A little bit cynical to be a truly heroic JC.

Jesus Christ – Con-man, carpenter, agitator. Unprecedented success for 2,000 years, but has started slipping the last decade or so. Over-exposure makes it hard for people to stick with this JC.
Joan Collins – Did one decent episode of Star Trek then sold her soul to the 80’s. Rumour has it she was a slutty JC, but counter-rumour has it she was a more innocent JC than many realised. Possibly dead [unverified].
Joe Chip – Schmuck, engineer, character from someone’s head. The most malleable JC ever known due to rules of fiction and warping reality that stays unresolved at the end of his story [Ubik]
Jack Nicholson – madman who convinced people he was an actor. An unreliable JC.


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