BAD FICTION#1: The Icy Lake
To show you what kind of shit we’re looking for in our Bad Fiction Contest [see details here], here’s something one of us wrote…
The Icy Lake
Vikoza stood placidly by the icy lake, looking out towards the looming dragon ships floating triumphantly far in the distance. They seemed so far away yet at the same time so near. Like they were somehow next to us, but also far away on the distant horizon.
It was snowing around us and above us, with the snow coming down slowly in luscious, white flakes, like little daggers of snow sent from a Snowy God.
The falling snow-flakes covered her brown hair, making it seem as if her hair were made of nothing but snowflakes, even though I knew it wasn’t. It was made of hair. But it looked like impressive, white snowflakes, like a snow angel of great beauty and snowiness. He couldn’t believe how beautiful she was.
‘I wish I could walk on water, don’t you, Banki?’ she said teasingly.
‘Be careful you don’t fall in, Vikoza,’ I warned bravely.
‘Don’t be such a bore. Where’s your sense of adventure, Banki?’ She teased playfully. Her face was full of doubt and playfulness. The cheeks were so beautiful, like two shining apples from the timeless annals of Ancient Greek History.
I put my arm around her shoulder and pretended to put my foot daringly onto the surface of the water. Even though I knew I couldn’t be Jesus for her, and I couldn’t walk on water like Jesus could, I also knew that she would laugh heartily at my joke and love me for being so funny. And I was correct because she threw her head back and laughed and then kissed me on the cheek playfully. I didn’t know if it was only me, but I thought she had never been so happy.
My head fell lollingly into my chest. I moved to the synth of my soul.
‘I can hear your heart, Banki,’ she said with her hand on my chest. ‘I don’t think I’ve ever been so…’ She didn’t finish, though I could sense the meaning on her warm breath. She picked up a piece of translucent ice from the ground and put it into my trembling hands.
‘This ice is so cold…’ I said as we walked beneath the moons benevolent gaze.
‘Yes, I hope we can stay in this moment forever…the two of us walking idly on this lake forever. I don’t want it to stop. It’s so perfect, Banki.’
‘Yes. I agree with you, Vikoza,’ I said warmly.
‘I love you,’ said Vikoza, her eyes beaming love and maybe her soul also directly into my eyes.
‘I love you too,’ I said with a warm feeling in my heart, as if a group of tired shepherds had set up camp inside my chest and lit a glowing fire to keep them warm through the night.
It seemed like the moment would last an eternity. The snow was so perfect and the icy lake was so perfect, like it had been made by snow angels under orders from a Snow God just for us. I never ever wanted it to end.
Suddenly, there was a loud cracking noise, like a big thunderstorm on the ice below us, and I looked down to see a big crack on the ice.
‘It’s a big crack, Banki,’ said Vikoza with panic in her voice, as if she knew that this crack was something belligerent that could divide our love eternally.
‘Be careful, my darling,’ I said warningly.
‘What if I fall into the crack, Banki. Then I might die,’ she said with a hint of even more panic in her voice.
‘We will not die, Vikoza,’ I said back to her, in a calm voice, like a little ship on a stormy sea but the ship isn’t moving in the storm. ‘I will protect you with all my courage.’
She smiled warmly and jumped into my arms, like a mermaid jumping into the arms of a fisherman who has just caught her and realised he loves her, and she realises she loves the fisherman too, which is the reason why she jumped lovingly, longingly, optimistically into his arms.
But as she jumped, the crack became bigger, as big as one of the cracks at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean that we can’t see, but we know about it, and she jumped, but couldn’t reached me because I was too far.
I tried to reach out to her, my arms searching with all their nascent, hopeful feelings, but she was too elusive for my firm grip.
She fell into the crack and disappeared silently into the water, her face disappearing from my view, probably for all eternity.
‘Vikoza,’ I cried, lifting my arms to the heavens and displaying all my soul to that hidden, mysterious God who lives there and judges us with benevolent disdain.
She didn’t answer me because she was at the bottom of the icy, beautiful lake, probably in great discomfort, though I could not be certain.
I looked into the icy blue water, which was like a giant, luscious sheet of glass separating me from the one true love of my life who had just fallen into it.
I waited for her to return to me, but the lake would not return her to me, it was too icy.
I wanted to jump into its calm stillness but I knew the icy depths would claim me too, like they did her.
I tried to breathe and cry for help but there was no-one around here to hear me as they had all gone somewhere else today. I thought they had gone to the market of Trabubu, but I couldn’t remember if they had really gone there. I thought they had though. It was a nice, bustling market full of people and things to buy. I went there once myself to buy a lucky hen, and then I took it home and put it in a little cage outside the front door. It was a strange, mysterious hen, possibly magical from the wilds of Debastion, though it never did anything magical for me. I wonder sometimes if it were truly a magical hen, when I’m outside my shack smoking butoa weed with the jackal men of DanDan. Ah the jackal men…what were they doing now? Were they still laying siege to the domain of Necro-Priscilla, the demonic witch with purple eyes that I’d heard stories about when I was with the Jackal men…? I didn’t know, but I decided to find out later and possibly help them in their fight, if they were having one. Necro-Priscilla was an amoral mistress of the dark arts, she had to be stopped or she would destroy everything.
I suddenly remembered Vikoza, my beautiful blonde maiden of the moony sky.
‘Vikoza,’ I mumbled despondently to myself as I stood on the icy lake alone. ‘Are you coming back to me, my forever darling?’
Vikoza did not answer me. I waited patiently, but alas there was no answer. Finally, I could do nothing but return home, and leave the lake and my beautiful Vikoza at the bottom of the icy waves for all eternity. There was nothing else I could do.
‘I will love you forever, my darling Vikoza,’ I said promisingly, vowing inside to love her as long as I lived.
I turned away from the lake and looked at the snow-flakes falling slowly from the snow-filled sky, landing on the ground beneath my feet and lying still like my beautiful Vikoza who was now at the bottom of the lake, her body waiting to be consumed by the ravenous uto-fish, and her soul waiting to rise up out of the icy water and into the heavens in the sky.
On the way back home I stopped at the heart-stone on the road to Necro-Priscilla’s kingdom and met one of the Jackal men.
He had a stony face and wild, untamed hair like Val Kilmer in the film where he had long hair like Mowgli.
‘Where are your brothers?’ I asked curiously.
‘My brothers are laying siege to the domain of Necro-Priscilla, my young comrade,’ he replied determinedly.
‘What are you doing here?’ I asked.
‘I am waiting for you, my young comrade. We need your steel in the fight with Necro Priscilla as she is far too powerful for the Jackal men to conquer alone,’ he said as if the question had been weighing heavily on his weary mind for numerous moons.
‘Okay, then I shall come,’ I said, agreeingly.
‘And you shall fight with us against the Necro-Queen?’
‘Yes, I shall fight with you against her, Jackal man, my friend,’ I said.
‘Excellent. Oh, where is your maiden, Vikoza?’ he asked, with a worried countenance on his face.
‘Alas, she is at the bottom of the icy lake,’ I answered ponderously.
‘Oh, woe is the fate of the innocent. Is she dead?’ he asked.
‘Yes, she died just now. I could not save her though I tried quite hard, but I cannot swim well and the lake was very icy.’
‘It is not your fault, Banki. You tried as hard as a thousand Demkakons.’
‘Come, let us start our journey to the Necro-Queen. She is far away and there will be many obstacles along the way including the forest of dankness and another lake, which harbours the ice-mongers of Rekbobula. They are devilish men, I tell thee,’ he said with red alert on his face. ‘They hunt live men with forks and string.’
‘We shall be careful around those ice-mongers,’ I confirmed to him.
‘Off we go then. Tell me, have you eaten?’ he asked, his eyes glimmering in the mid-summer Sun.
‘Oh, I had a bowl of tong before I left this morning,’ I said, remembering the brown texture of the tong and smiling.
‘Tong. Great. Yes, Necro-Priscilla is a torturous foe. She swept over our land last August and used magical fire and maniacal orc-men to burn all our land. We viciously detest this evil sorceress and she shall pay the ultimate price with our deepest, fatalistic fury.’
‘We shall kill her for sure. There is not a man nor orc in this whole kingdom that can stop brave men like us. Except perhaps the black knight of Yeovillian. He is strong and able and will probably stop us if we fight badly on the day.’
‘We shall fight well on all days,’ he cried, raising his sword in the air like a long stick with a t-shirt showing his face on the end of it.
‘Great. Then nothing can stop us,’ I said confirmingly.
I got on my horse and we rode across the fields of Fjidor towards the domain of Necro-Priscilla. The death of the lovely Vikoza weighed heavily on my heart, but I knew I had to forget about her somehow if I was to truly help the Jackal-men defeat the Necro-Queen and the black knight of Yeovillian and the ice mongers of Rekbobula too.